Guess who is turning two?

Yep, you've guessed it. Lydia is turning two this Friday. She has blessed my life in so many ways. She's more of a determined task oriented girl. She loves trying to figure things out-- mostly how to get at things she is not allowed to reach. Her stubborn streak has been a source of few tears- for the both of us, but I see her changing. I see her learning to obey despite how much she wants to do the things she wants to do. I see her quick to stroke Karis' arm in apology after pinching her out anger or a fit of jealousy. I see a sinful (cute as she is!!) little person slowly but surely transforming into the likeness of her Maker. In the process, her mom is changing too. She is humbled into deeper dependence and prayers to the only One that can grow in this child a heart that is set apart and loves God. What an exciting ministry parenthood is. Sometimes I wonder who this is really for. Lord, is it really for the girls? Or are you using this as a way to change me? I can truly say that parenthood has changed me. It's helped me to understand the heart of the Father a little better. It gives me more opportunities (or more opportunities that I can not escape :P) to die to myself and to live for God, to practice unconditional love, to be stretched and think and see beyond myself. It really is hardest thing I have ever done, but I love what it is about, what it does. Happy birthday, our cute little monster. We love you more than you could know.

Backyardigans

I wish I was more disciplined and had more time to post. There are so many passing thoughts, moments I wish I could document and not forget, but it's often the choice between cleaning up a house that looks like it's been hit by a tornado or posting or laying down in my comfy bed watching mindless TV or posting.

We have been slowly adding to the backyard features. It has been such a treat to have a swing set in our backyard. Mike recently added a sandbox underneath the playground. The wooded, semi-private backyard is a perfect oasis. When we are out there on many early afternoons, it's very quiet except for the green interrupted by pink and white blossoms and the sound of the birds. I love the fact that we don't hear cars. I do feel closer to God outdoors. Karis has been more interested in learning names of flowers, trees, and have been asking for a bird feeder once she's figured out why birds would often land on our neighbor's fence. I love that she's learning to love the nature early. I love the fact that she will quickly go to touch a caterpillar, a frog, a worm without hesitation. It's often hard for me to hide the fact that I am grossed out. I can tell she sees beauty in nature that is deeper, more calming, and simpler than than what she will find in toys or other man made gadget. I've been frustrated that she's been showing so little interest or effort in learning to ride her bike or scooter that we purchased for her, but I have been much more accepting of the fact that she will naturally gravitate towards the things that she loves and to let her, in fact, support her in doing the things that she loves. Karis loves working with her hands and it's quite a sight to watch her maneuver a piece of ribbon, playdoh or any thing that is goopy or messy. Her little pudgy fingers move clumsily with purpose and determination. She can spend literally hours in the sandbox and come out exhausted from whatever imaginary games she has been playing in there. Mike gets sad for her sometimes, because her friendships in the neighborhood hasn't flourished as we had hoped, but I truly believe that this is in God's hand and I do think whatever He is doing is amazingly good for her and even me. I see how she's learning to appreciate and value the friendships she does have and this quality is so much more important than having a lot of friends to have fun with.
We love this house for how it serves us in providing us with a home that is perfectly sized for us that helps us to build beautiful, fun, and love-filled memories that we pray will be a foundation that will help the girls to grow up to be risk taking warriors for Christ in whatever context God has them in, but at times, we struggle with reconciling the reality of families around the world struggling for basic needs such as food and clean water while we live in a comfortable suburban home. We do feel that we were prayerful, searched our heart's motive, and did seek counsel as we were going in to purchasing this home, but the question that has been gnawing at us as we settle into our home is... Is God really okay with us living here while others are suffering without basic needs? We are both trying to grapple with this and understand God's heart, our role, and be willing to make changes if that's what's right for us. We don't want to be okay with an inconclusive answer to this question. It's a tough tough question to try and answer honestly.

Lydia

How would I describe Lydia? It would be important for me to point out how she's transformed from a timid infant who frightened easily to the slightest noise to a determined toddler that loves to explore and push boundaries and who works very hard daily to mark her place in this home... in her world. I marvel at her growing confidence and love the fact that the world is a safe, fun place for her. Daily, I catch her doing the likes of unplugging the CD player, opening the oven door, standing on a chair or something else mischievous as soon as my back is turned. As I reach over to pick her up from the crime scene, our eyes inevitably lock and something so tender happens to my heart and I often have to hold back the impulse to tightly hug her or to laugh. Often I think, God made these guys so cute for a reason! I'm finding that the ability to allow her to confidently explore her world and still establish firm boundaries is an art of the most exquisite form. She's a little over 1 1/2 years old and its so fun to watch her growing and developing and adding to the string of words she knows including "Mommy... love..." Some of her hobbies include snatching something out of Karis' hands and running away (and fast!), making a run for it when she hears the phrase 'diaper change,' taking her diaper off any chance she gets, saying sorry and making amends by gently stroking a place that she hit or scratched, snuggling with mommy, and creating the greatest havoc possible when mommy and Karis are doing school, smiling her smile, blinking those irresistible eyes, making us all say, "That little rug rat is soooo cute."

Mean Girls

As we were settling into a nice house that will soon transform into our dream home with some minor home improvement projects, I marveled at how perfect the setting is to help our girls build memories that will shape them in so many ways. The house sits at the end of a cul-de-sac with a perfectly sized wooded back yard for a playset and enough room for scrimmaging should our girls learn to love soccer. The house itself is the perfect size with every inch of it being utilized daily. The neighborhood swarms with kids and they could often be seen playing right outside our house. I dreamed of the girls developing life long friendships right here in the neighborhood with ease and sweetness. I dreamed of how our family will model Christ and shine His light so brightly that people will notice and inquire, and by the grace of God, some of them will come to know our Savior. I was not prepared for the complications that would soon follow, however. I wasn't prepared for the Mean Girl scenerio to start so young and that Karis will taste the hurt of rejection and unkindness by a girl she so badly wanted to befriend but was a year or so too young and lacked the social suave and coolness to make the cut. I knew that the cul-de-sac will be significant, but I didn't realize that it would be the stage for a three year old to experience such things as a first broken heart, learning to let go, discerning how to choose friends, learning to forgive and to pray for transformation in self and others and turning to God with rawness of rejection and dashed hopes. She's the youngest amongst her age group of kids on the street and she's still not exactly the sought after girl for a playdate on the street, but its been amazing to see her growing through this experience. As we considered our options in choosing a home, we cared primarily about the kind of people that the girls will know long term. I had in mind something more serene and picturesque... God had in mind something entirely different. We live in a neighborhood that wins those best places to live awards year after year, but its part of the fallen world in need of a Savior. Why did I expect living the Christian life in our new home would be like in a paradise when Jesus modeled something entirely different during His time on earth. I still believe that this is our dream home and that God has a plan for us here, but His ways are not my ways... I'm learning that Karis will learn to become a follower of God not only through the blessings, but also through the trials, heartaches, and pain. I will love my neighbors not only when its easy, but particularly when its difficult. I'm realizing how much more this is in line with the Gospel message and the life that Jesus lived. Why did I expect my life to be so different from that of Jesus'?

I'm back!

Christmas is around the corner and Karis is ready to celebrate being three in just a few weeks. The past year has been significant in so many ways, yet the context and the backdrop of the significance has been in performing the day to day duties of doing family and raising two little ones. There are so many moments to cherish, moments I wish I could re-do, and priceless lessons that I learn on this journey that I am going to make more of an effort to chronicle them.
Both of the girls are growing so fast. Karis is talking up a storm and amusing and amazing people with her quick wit and analytical nature. Lydia is babbling a lot and showing signs of understanding quite a bit of what we say. Mike continues to be the wonderful husband that I don't deserve. Looking forward to sharing and more frequently.
It has been impossible to get a picture of the four of us looking at the camera. I really want to get Christmas cards out, but I'm not sure it will happen this year.

Karis is still sick. On top of her cold, she got a viral infection that spiked her temperature for a few days. Now she is covered in hives that is a symptom of the viral infection. She's been a bit spacey and when she regains some of her energy, she has been extra cranky. Lydia is still congested at nights and doesn't sleep very well.

Surprisingly, I am doing well. God is truly sustaining me physically and protecting my spirit. In the midst of tantrums and inconsolable cries, I'm able to find His peace and calm embedded in my heart and even when I'm unsure how I should handle a situation at hand, I'm reminded that He gives wisdom to those who seek it... and He does!

We barely made it to church yesterday, but once we were there, I was so thankful that we went. The worship was so powerful. I love the words to the song "Saviour King" by Hillsong.

And now the weak say I have strength By the spirit of power that raised Christ from the dead And now the poor stand and confess That my portion is Him and I'm more than blessed Let now our hearts burn with a flame A fire consuming all for your Son's holy name And with the heavens we declare You are our king We love you Lord, we worship you You are our God, you alone are good You asked your Son to carry this The heavy cross our weight of sin I love you Lord, I worship you Hope which was lost, now stands renewed I give my life to honor this The love of Christ, the savior king Let now your church shine as the bride That you soar in your heart as you offered up your life Let now the lost be welcomed home By the saved and redeemed those adopted as your own I give my life to honor this The love of Christ, the savior king

I love the last phrase, because it reminds me why I must strive with all His might to live this day well. I give my life to honor this- the love of Christ, the Savior King.

I've been finding a lot of comfort and strength from 1 Peter. Not that I'm suffering like the first century Christians Peter was writing to were. In the midst of uncertainties and unjust suffering, Peter exhorts them to set their hope fully on the grace to be given them when Christ is revealed. He's not asking them to grit their teeth and wait until this suffering passes them by. He commands them to prepare their minds for action and be resilient (self-controlled) and actively set their hope in Christ. For me, the exhortation is not only to exhibit patience when I'm feeling frazzled and tired, but to actively repay the debt of love I owe to those that are in my life- especially to those that are closest to me.

My prayer is not necessarily that my life will get easier, but that through this season of life, I will learn more the heart of God and that I will become more like my maker.

With her sickness, once in awhile, Karis will let me know that she wants to lie down on the sofa with her duckie with the blanket over her. I put on her favorite VeggieTale and let her rest until she's feeling squirmy again.



Even though Lydia is the reason for the many unwanted changes in Karis' life right now, she adores Lydia and considers herself a proud older sister of a beautiful baby. When someone asks her if she's a big sister now, she beams with pride as she taps in the gereral vicinity of where Lydia is seated.

My mom had to come over to watch the kids for about an hour on Saturday when I was on the road and had car trouble and Mike had to come to my rescue. My mom said that Karis cried hysterically for the better half of the hour which set Lydia off. Whem my mom was trying to console Karis, she told my mom to tend to the crying baby first, even as she was still crying. That touched my heart so much. How much it must touch God when we all just get along and love one another sincerely.

Wow... it's been busy here. Both Karis and Lydia have been sick. Karis seems to be getting better, however Lydia seems to be getting worse. Poor thing... she's had a cold for almost two weeks now. It's hard to figure out what kind of baby Lydia is just yet. She's been very cranky lately wanting to be either fed or held when she's awake. Due to her stuffy nose, her sleep is often light and disrupted by the noise in the house.

Everyone in the family is carrying a heavy load right now. I know it's inevitable and even a good thing for Karis, but she's been acting agitated and frustrated lately. We've been in the house for the most part and that's added to the frustration Karis has been feeling. Today, I got the courage to take both of the girls to the mall by myself. I felt that Karis really needed the outing and I needed a break from simultaneously caring for a sick new born and catering to a high energy, attention craving toddler inside of the house where all the toys and activities have been played out one time too many. It took a lot of work to get us all in the car, but I imagine that it will get easier with practice. When they were both in the stroller quietly, it was heavenly, but it didn't last. More times than not, I felt anxiously short handed.

Once Mike gets home from work, we work like well-oiled machine as I prepare dinner and clean while Mike tends to the girls and gets Karis ready for bed. Once Karis is bed, we consider this our cherished moment together when we are able to catch up with each other, but lately, one of us have already fallen asleep by then.

Man, it is hard. It's harder than I expected. Please keep us in your prayers. Pray that both of the girls will recover quickly and that God will continue to strengthen Mike and I for the task at hand and that we will learn more and more what it means to depend on Him and His strength.

How do I keep a toddler entertained and care for a new born you ask? By the strength and grace that comes from God... and sometimes that saving grace comes in the form of finger paint, play dough, paintbrush, and washable markers...

I cut out shapes from a sponge and had Karis stamp them on paper. Did it get messy? Yes. Did it keep her occupied for twenty minutes so that I could cater to Lydia? Yes!


Lydia watchingt her sister painting.


Was I able to grab a few minutes to enjoy a cup of morning coffee? Yes! Those few stolen minutes here and there are so precious and revitalizing.